i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss looking into your eyes and zoning out of your conversation to focus on figuring out whether or not your eyes are more blue or green.

i miss the spark that seemed to go through my finger tips and travel throughout every part of my body every time you told my hand and told me something cute.

and i miss your hugs the most its like when you’re a baby and your mom wraps you up tight in a blanket like a burrito because they say it makes you feel safe like when you were in the womb perhaps thats a bit weird to relate to or something but those hugs make me feel so relaxed i could clear my mind and it’d feel like everything made sense again when i was dealing with complicated situations. you un-complicate things.

 and you know when you’re talking to someone telling them something about your day and in my experience, no one really cares. they make a general comment and then they go on talking about themselves because everyone looks out for themselves its all ulterior motives. but i get to talk to you about my problems and i get legitimate feedback i get emotion i get truth i get love and compassion and i feel like someone actually cares.

sometimes i think im the one who loves too much when really its you. and just the other day i realized i dont let on to how much i actually love you as much as you tell me. so many chances i could’ve said “i love you too” but i didn’t. but i do. and i think you should know i’m saying it all the time even if its not the actual words. 

me saying i love you? it’s in the carefully worded text i send at 1:30am the second i open my eyes. it’s in my hands and when they squish your face. it’s in the look i give you in the midst of our silence because it’s too beautiful to ruin. its when i come up from behind and rest my chin on your shoulder and its when i laugh and you can’t seem to put your finger on why it is i’m laughing. and i guess thats why i never say i love you.

and i thank god every day that up until now no one’s had the patience to love you, really love you. and i think im just lucky and every day i wake up a bit sure of myself and a bit happier because its like this to me 

you wake up and its like everythings good in the world for like .3 seconds and then all your troubles rush back in. and so for me, my troubles rush in and 4 out of 7 days i wake up to check my phone and find a message from you (i send him morning texts the other 3 days, only fair) and i get a little happier than i was the day before and it kinda just hits you that someone who isn’t blood loves you and needs you and wants you and has decided to dedicate themselves to you so everyday i wake up and wonder why me and that just continues to baffle me with every passing day its something i cant wrap my head around really. 

and for me, its like finding your missing half. like that piece from Plato’s Symposium how we all used to have four legs/arms two heads then we were split and all and now we’re spending the rest of our lives looking for the other half? maybe thats a bit much and maybe thats not exactly what my sixteen year old self is going through per say but it hits pretty close to home. its talking to someone who is exactly like you and at the same time so different and its so cliche and yet its so true

im happy in love, everyone gets the blues but i think i’ve always been happy and you’re icing to the cake and i find comfort in the fact that i’m happy and you make me happier and that you are the perfect person for me in every way at this moment in my life and who i am right now