I miss you all the time and it’s gotten to the point where I don’t know what to do when you aren’t here and literally everything reminds me of you and your voice rings inside my head with every decision I make and every sight I see. I can envision you sitting next to me and I can hear your laughter and how you’d react to me buying another overpriced smoothie. I don’t know what else to think about besides you and I used to pride myself on being this big bad independent human being but you’ve had me regress into this child like state where I need you holding my hand and I don’t want to do anything or go anywhere without you and I couldn’t possibly bear the thought of ever willingly choosing to be without you. It’s gotten to that point. Where I am a walking cliche. I feel empty when you’re not here and I can’t help but twiddle my thumbs and pick the skin around my finger nails and bite my nails off because I get so anxiety ridden baby I’m so nervous that you’re not here and my fingers don’t know what to do because your hand isn’t here for them to grasp on to and it’s all just pain. Living without you is painful. I can be stronger than this and I should be stronger than this but seeing how much better you’re getting at being apart than I am tears me up because when you felt broken up about me not being there I was cold and didn’t give a damn and wished you hadn’t been so emotional because I felt bad about how calm I was about it all. Yet now the tables have turned and I am here broken into little pieces but you still love every broken piece of me. But I do dreadfully miss the saddening messages about me but I’d rather you be happy than be curled up in bed crying about how I am no longer there. All I want is your happiness darling.
Spending days with him are the best days possible. We can be riding around all over Miami or we can stay at home and it’ll be a good day. I can be myself around him and it’s the best feeling I’ve ever experienced. We’re young but we have old souls. We have no idea what we’re doing. We’re realistic. We’re aware of all the things that could go wrong. Yet I think with all of this information, we’ll be okay in the end. We’re described as weird and strange because of how seemingly perfect our relationship is. Nothing is perfect and we are not perfect. We try to run a smooth sailing ship. I love this boy with my entire heart and soul and I’ve never loved someone so much. I was so cold and heartless before him and he’s turned me into mush. Im so deeply in love I can’t even believe it sometimes. This is my bestfriend, first and foremost. I genuinely like him. I spent 2 years getting to know him and I am still getting to know him and I will always be getting to know him. I will always love him more today than I did yesterday but never more than I will tomorrow. I can ask him anything and get his honest opinion. I’ve never had someone be so genuine with me. He takes care of me so well and I know when I’m walking down the street with him that I’m safe. He brings me so much joy and comfort and feelings I’ve been needing and longing to feel. We’ve grown with each other since we were 15 and will continue to grow for as long as we both want to. I love you to pieces.
YOUR BF IS NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND IF YOU’RE TALKING SHIT ABOUT HIM TO SOMEONE ELSE
I never thought I’d find someone who made me feel so genuinely happy, safe, and needed. It’s the biggest relief in the world knowing that at the end of the day I have myself, and I have you. I love you like crazy, to pieces, to the moon and back, with all of my heart, forever and always. @cnilzz
I’m actually super excited for this weekend, but it hasn’t hit me that its because it’s prom. I mean I never really spent my years just waaaaiting for senior year so I could go to prom. I never even wanted to go to prom until about a month ago? But whateva i’m super excited. Spending the weekend w Chris and getting waaaasted.
proms next weekend and i fiiiinally have everything together.
i showed chris everything and it’s all straight bc i had worries about being taller than him but it worked out fine.
nowwww i really just want this week to go by quick and have prom get here already.
and im just gonna get so high beforehand just to make it through the night.
i’m missing the cool breezy days we spent sitting on a blanket by the canal sharing arizona tea, crackers, and a joint. and i’m missing the days where all we did was lay in bed with each other and absorb each others love. i miss you.
wait but today was a good friday bc I smoked a joint w my bf and then we had Arizona tea and crackers and then smoked a bowl and then we got Taco Bell ahh so fire and we watched casino royale and oh fuck you aren’t supposed to eat meat on Good Friday but I did anyway…Hahahaha omg stop I’m too high for this. k wait anyway today was a good day chris and I are two funny motherfuckers man I swear hah okay I’m getting pizza tonight mazel tov to me bitchz